The only noise is the trickle of warm water from the faucet. (Weird I know, but I like to keep the water just barely running.) oh and the occasional sigh from one of my dogs who won't leave my side. 
Sophie - laying on guard next to the tub. She, like me, is a mom of multiples ;) and I'm convinced she's aware labor is coming. Isn't she cute? Anyways...
I'm trying to take advantage of my "alone time" that I know will soon be non-existant. I love this quiet time really. I should probably put a lock on the bathroom door for future use.
Tonight, as I was putting Jake to bed, he asked what he asks nearly every night - "momma, will you lay with me?" Normally I say no. I can't. I have things to do or I'm exhausted and once I'm down - quite frankly - it ain't easy to get back up! But tonight my heart said yes. So I lowered my giant self into his bed. He offered to read to me from his new chapter book and I just laid there watching him sound out the big words. :) When we were all done with reading he caught me starring and just said "what are you looking at me like that for?" I smiled and just answered "because I love you!"
I laid there until he fell asleep. I watched his little breathing slow as he fell asleep and then I tried to get myself up out of his bed without making a ridiculous amount of noise. Even when I'm not carrying two babies I'm no ballerina so of course he woke a little. I bent over to kiss him and rub his head and he mumbled "I love you momma go to sleep".
As I walked out of his room I started to cry. I wish I could put into words what that little boy means to me. He isn't perfect. In fact nearly all of his imperfections are at least partially my fault (hey Mike shares the blame here) but he is mine. He will always be my boy. I can't imagine what my life would be like without him in it. I'd be lying if I said I was 100% sure I'd bond to the twins like I have to Jake. In fact I'm sure it will be different. I have no doubt I will adore them. I already do, but no one will ever take Jake's place.
I know I don't fully understand how my life will change in the next month, year, etc. and I can't say that doesn't scare me a little. For almost 9 years it's been the three of us and that's about to change. From that moment on we will be a family of 5. That to me is beautiful and scary at the same time. The thought that what Mike and I have worked at for the last 5 years will be in our arms soon... Crazy.
I hope that my relationship with Jake will be close forever. I hope he never feels less important to me or that I'm to busy to just be his mom for a while. I hope he knows, if not now - one day, that he will always be my baby. 3
I thank God, not often enough, for the unexpected blessing He gave us in Jake. We were young and stupid and I will never doubt God's timing in putting Jake in our lives.
As we prepare to open our hearts and our home to 2 more blessings I know that Jake is preparing to become a big brother. He is excited for the babies and I know he will be amazing with them. It won't always be easy. I'm sure they will drive him crazy. Our family will likely be crazy for the next several years. Our home will be a mess, we will be late to nearly everything, I won't always look put together but I do know my heart will be full - it has been since Mike and Jake came into it and somehow it will grow and make room for Lawton and Anderson.
It won't be long now... I just can't believe it.
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