Monday, November 25, 2013

Cycle Day 17...

Happy Monday, and of course Happy Thanksgiving week!
My sister-in-law is in the hospital today, being induced with her 2nd baby! We are expecting my 6th nephew to be here sometime later today (God-willing) and I can't wait to get some newborn snuggles.
In other news, the boys and I head for DC this Wednesday! We are meeting my mom and sister there for the Thanksgiving holiday. We are excited for the trip and have never been to DC before so our to-do list is growing! Thanksgiving Day, the high is only 36 degrees. That's insane. We don't have the right clothes for that here in sunny Florida, so we will all be wearing 3 jackets at a time ;)
In baby news, I'm just still waiting. I have been doing the ovulation kits for 7 days now, each time its negative. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't discouraged. I totally am. I start doubting my body, wondering if I will ever just ovulate like a normal woman. I really wanted it to just work this month. Not that I haven't other months, but I was so hopeful that it would just happen because the surgery "fixed" what was wrong. Maybe it still did, but getting that negative sign isn't making me feel better.
In the spirit of Thanksgiving, this week, instead of praying that I get a positive test result, I am praying for a thankful heart. Thankful for my wonderful family and friends. Thankful for my doctor, who assures me that this will end the way we want it to. Thankful for a God that loves me in sadness just as much as He loves me in joy. Thankful for my struggle with infertility, that it has brought me closer to God, and has in turn made me a better human. I will continue to test for another 7 days - hopefully in that time I will get a positive test. I put a call in to my nurse this morning to see what the next steps are. I assume they will tell me to continue testing, but they may want me to come in sometime next week to check progesterone. I know some women ovulate regularly but never get a positive test, so we will continue trying for now. It's out of my hands, right?!

ps. I am especially thankful for all the sweet people that read my blog and keep up with what’s going on with us. I love the comments and notes I get. I love hearing that people enjoy reading what I write. I hope I serve as a witness to God and I hope that I encourage people. Selfishly, this blog has helped me more than it can probably help anyone else, so Thank YOU for reading it. I feel the love <3

Monday, November 11, 2013

Here We Go...

Happy Monday Blog Readers!! - more importantly, Happy Veterans Day! So thankful for our military, and the sacrifices both they and their families make for us daily!

This morning I had an 8:00am appointment with Dr. Jaffe. Every time I leave that office I am so thankful. Thankful that I was lead there, thankful that the people there are so passionate about what they do. This morning my appointment was to discuss medicine. If I wanted to take it, what kinds, my options, etc. After taking Dr. Jaffe's advice, I am going to go on a new RX called Letrozole. It works similarly to clomid, in that you take it cycle days 3-7, however way less side effects, and Dr. Jaffe says she has way more success with Letrozole. I am pretty excited about that. Letrozole is often prescribed to women who are going through breast cancer treatments, it helps stimulate your body's natural production of female hormones...
...but let me back up a minute. Without going into a whole lot of detail, my period was 12 days late as of Saturday. Dr. Jaffe warned me that it might be off because of surgery, but we were also on hold to get moving on the next steps until I got through my first cycle. So, believe it or not, I was praying for my period to start. I made the Nov 11th doctor’s appointment at my post op with no way of knowing when my period would start. Timing is critical in all of this, so Sunday morning when my cycle started, it ended up being perfect. That means, today is day 2 - because of this, I get to start the meds this month, tomorrow, on day 3. If my period wasn't late, or was but started on Friday, I would have had to wait a whole 'nother month! My nurse said, "You couldn't have worked that out if you tried!" and she is right, I couldn't, but God knew the plan :)

So here we go! This month will be busy with testing, medicines, vitamins, doctor’s appointments, and HOPEFULLY ending with a big fat + sign! We'll be praying, and as always, we appreciate your prayers!


Thursday, November 7, 2013

The Story of my Second Pregnancy...

I knew when I started this blog that, at some point, it would be time to share my 2nd pregnancy story. Several months ago - before I started going to my fertility specialist - I was on a drug called Clomid. A drug perscribed to me by my OBGYN to help me ovulate. I had been on it for a long time without much result and I wasn't very optomistic that "it" would happen. I started feeling like I was going to start my period, I was tired, emmotional, and I felt achey, almost like I was getting sick. I had taken a sick day from work, and layed in bed for most of the morning. I kept thinking my period would start and I would have to force myself out of the monthly depression. It got to be the afternoon and still no period, so I decided to take a pregnancy test. When you are trying to concieve, pregnancy test are both your best friend and your worst enemy. Unwrapping that test, you are full of so much hope. I would try to supress it, and tell myself "I'm sure it will be negative", but deep down, I wanted that + sign so badly. This particular time, I took the test, sat it on the counter, and climbed back into bed. About 10 minutes later it dawned on me that I hadn't checked it yet, so I slowly walked over, preparring to chunk it in the trash, and climb back into bed. This test was one where 1 line means negative 2 lines mean positive. When I looked I saw one clear line and I started to cry. Sometimes I swear I have starred at those test, trying to convince myself if I stare long enough a second line will appear. Sooo when I noticed a faint second line I thought I was loosing it. I started shaking, tears were streaming. I kept wiping my eyes and trying to focus my eyes on that line. It was there, no doubt. It was faint, but it was there. I called Mike and he knew I was emmotional as soon as I said hello. I told him and we had a few minutes of pure joy. I kept telling him I couldnt believe it, it couldn't be real. We decided I would call my doctor right away. I did, and they told me to test again in the morning - since I was worried that my line was faint. I did test again that next morning and this time there was no mistaking that 2nd line. We were SO happy. I called the doctor and made my appointment. That week was great. I started my baby journal - because I love to write, I decided when I got pregnant I would write a journal to my unborn baby to keep track of it all. I got through the week, the weekend, I told the people that are close to us, and was set to go hear my babies heartbeat. I thought I was about 5-6 weeks pregnant at the time. That next Monday, I picked Jake up from school and we headed to Publix for our weekly grocery trip. Mike was meeting us there. We walked in, and I told Jake to wait with the cart while I ran to the bathroom, I knew Mike was walking in so I told Jake to look out for Dad. I went into the bathroom, sat down and (sorry to be graphic) noticed the blood. There was a lot of it. I knew right then what was happening. I knew I was miscarrying. I panicked, got my stuff together, ran out of the bathroom, and there were my boys. Mike saw my face and new something was wrong. I told him I needed to leave now. We walked out, put Jake in the car, and I broke down. Right there in the publix parking lot. Mike hugged me, kept calm, and told me to call my doctor. I did, and was quickly speaking to the on call doctor. She told me to go home, and relax. She said it wasn't neccessarily a miscarriage, but in my heart I knew it was. I bled the first 5 months with Jake, but this was different. All of a sudden my week and a half of absolute bliss came crashing down. I went to sleep at about 6:30 and woke up the next morning, praying it was a bad dream. It wasn't. The doctors office called and asked me to come in for an appointment, so I did. They did an exam, bloodwork, and confirmed that I was having a miscarriage. I went home and spent a good three days not getting out of bed. It wasn't fair to Mike and Jake,but they loved me through it, and it made me appreciate them even more. I haven't been the best through all of this, but my boys don't stop loving me. I learned a lot through my miscarriage. I continue to learn from it. People would say things to me, or I would read things about women not telling anyone until they are 3 months pregnant. I could never do that. I don't regret telling my family and friends, if I hadn't, my miscarriage would have felt that much more lonely. But it wasn't lonely, my weeks of pregnancy were full, my miscarriage was full, I wasn't alone in any of it, and even when I wanted to sink into my lonely place, the people that loved me wouldn't allow it. So, long story short, if I got pregnant tomorrow, it wouldn't be a secret. I am not fearful of miscarriage. I trust in God's plan, and I know He knows why that wasn't our time. That being said, I won't forget it, my heart ache was real and painful, but that stretching of my heart only made more room for love. My second pregnancy didn't end how I had hoped, but none-the-less it was a second pregnancy, for me it was a direct response from God. It will happen, but only when it's right. Post surgery, I believe that even more. The results of my surgery, the risks my body would have been in had I carried a baby full term, prior to them cleaning up the scar tissue... it's amazing. I will forever be greatful for my 6 weeks of pregnancy.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Want to get Pregnant?...

... come sit next to me! Or that's how it seems anyway. One of the hardest parts of infertility is watching, what feels like, everyone else around you getting pregnant. Not because you don't want them to or because you aren't happy for them, but it still is difficult to swallow. I know I need to keep my focus on the future but I feel like it's been difficult lately to continue being optimistic. I am counting the days again, and that isn't something I enjoy doing. Praying for patience and peace.