Yesterday was our appointment with Dr. Jaffe. She was running behind from morning surgery, so when we did get to see her she was playing catch-up. She did my exam, and cleared us for trying again. She went through all of the pictures - side note: I won't be cooking chicken for a while - and discussed the surgery outcome with us. I know I touched on it before but here is what she told me yesterday...
Basically, as a result of the emergency surgery I had 4 years ago, my body didn't heal as ideally as it could have. As with all things, when you are cut, or injured, or have had surgery, scar tissue forms. It is your bodies way of reinforcing that wound, in an effort to prevent it from happening again. How amazing is that, by the way. When you really think about all of the things our bodies do to heal themselves and to protect itself. I don't know how anyone could not see the miracle of life. How incredibly, intricately designed we are by the Maker. Amazing! Anyway, when my body began healing from surgery, which was pretty traumatic, it produced a lot of scar tissue. Because my ovary was being operated on, this scar tissue draped my ovaries, as well as surrounding organs - namely my bowel - effectively attaching my bowel to my ovaries and the incision sight. Dr. Jaffe believes that this scar tissue and displacement of my ovaries is what has led to my infertility. She does think I am relatively cystic, but not to the point that it is effecting ovulation. Her hope is, now that most of that scar tissue is gone, I will ovulate naturally. This isn't a guarantee, more of a wait and see how my body responds. Of course I wanted to know that this was it! That I would be ovulating and getting pregnant easily now, and of course it isn't quite that simple. Another case of hurry up and wait. :(
That being said, I am so thankful we went ahead with the surgery. Prayers were answered and we think we've got it! I am hopeful that my body will return to normal and I will begin to ovulate naturally. Obviously I am praying for this daily, hourly almost.
The plan right now is for me to start tracking as soon as I start my next cycle. Tracking my basal body temp, doing daily ovulation test, keeping records of that, and obviously trying a lot when we are approaching ovulation time. I have to keep my eyes focused on the prize. One day it will be our turn and I will shout it from the roof tops!
I am always reading other blogs, and one of my favorites is a blog from Nate Pyle. He writes a lot about Christianity and how it blends with today's world. He is a father of a young child and is married, so in a lot of ways it is easy for me to relate to him. I love his style of writing, and he always has a unique perspective on the Bible. This past week I shared a link to his most recent blog post on my facebook. It is all about grief, and sadness, and the difficult times we enter into as humans. He talks about, as Christians, how we often go about sorrow all wrong. That we try to avoid it all together, when in fact, it is something that bonds us even closer to God. I, of course, felt like it was so perfect for the way I feel about the past 3 years. This struggle has made me so incredibly close to the Father. I reach out to Him in sadness all of the time. He picks me up, dusts me off, and makes me whole again. There is a gratefulness I feel when I reflect on the last 3 years. Prior to that, I was sort of just existing. Wrapped up in the day to day life - never denying God, but never embracing Him either. My focus has changed. I am constantly searching out my path to being a better person, and a follower of God. I make a lot of mistakes, I say things I shouldn't, I struggle with praying for people who aren't nice to me, but the best part is - I am trying to fix those things now. I know it won’t be perfect and it will continue to be something I have to work on daily, but after feeling God's love through all of this, I want to be a better person. I want to be my husband, for Jake, for my friends and family, my coworkers. I want to be an example for those people, and I want God to shine through me. I hope I can be His prism, I hope I have been to some people. So with that, I don't hate what the past 3 years have brought me, I embrace it. I will continue to have hard days, and I will lean heavily on His shoulder when I do.
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