Something has been weighing heavily on my heart in the last 24 hours or so, and I knew God placed it there for a reason. When in doubt, I turn to my blog, because it's the place where I can write exactly what I feel when I don't know how to say it myself. I try to keep my heart open with every post and let the words flow, so here goes...
Today, a friend of mine should be celebrating her second child becoming a toddler. The closing of the baby chapter and the beginning of the terrible two's.
Pink and purple balloons, princess dresses, cupcakes, and two candles displayed proudly on top of a birthday cake. Today should be the celebration of Tyler's 2nd birthday, but instead it's the anniversary of the day she was born not to this world, but to Heaven's.
Sweet Tyler never got to take her first earthly breath, taken from her family before she could cry or stare into her momma's eyes. Before her big sister could teach her how to dance or doodle or play with dolls, taken before her daddy could wipe away her tears, or teach her how to ride a bike. Taken.
I can't type a blog that gives justice to what my friend and her family went through when they lost their little girl. I will never be able to fully understand the pain. I know, that despite their faith, they were angry, confused, heart broken and understandably so. I have no doubt that God has a plan for this family, even when we can't possibly understand the purpose of something that feels so cruel.
Loosing a child is the most horrible thing any person on earth could ever go through. Before you become a parent, you can never fully understand the love you have for your children. I honestly believe it is the first time in a human's life where you love someone else more than you love yourself. To have that taken from you whether a month into pregnancy, at birth, as a baby, child, teen or adult, leaves a whole in your heart that will never be forgotten.
I wish I had a way to make that family feel whole again. I know they have many good times ahead and will live out wonderful lives, but I also know the pain they felt will always remain.
It is easy for me to sit here and say, "trust in God's plan, give Him all your pain" It is easy to preach the Word. It feels good to tell people how much God loves them. I believe it, I have seen what faith will do. I have felt His peace over my life and in my darkest times and I will share that faith until I die. God isn't a band aid for pain, He is a cure. A cure that takes time and stretches your soul, a cure that leaves you unable to forget the struggle, but with strength to smile at a new day. While we are on this planet we will never know all of the reasons why.
So rather than asking, or trying to understand I pray for peace. I don't know how to erase the pain, and honestly I don't think anything can or will, but I do know that God understands. He gets it. He knows the pain of loosing a child, He knows your heart and He loves you. He wants to see you happy and embracing life and He will bless you with so many wonderful things.
Sweet Girl, what you've been through is no joke. Your strength shines off of you like a bright light, your courage to continue on is an inspiration. Your struggle has put mine into perspective. Even in your loneliest hour, You have made God proud. Everyone that meets you is better because of you. Your girls will grow up strong and beautiful because they are cut from your cloth. You have been an unintentional witness, humble and beautiful. Be proud of who you are in Christ. Wear your heart on your sleeve for the world to see. She may not be running around, coloring on your walls, driving you nuts, but everyone that knows you sees her in your life. She is right there with you and she always will be.
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