Our Second IUI...

We are officially in the 2 week wait. :)

Sunday morning Mike had to be at the doctor at 7 a.m. for his... ahem... appointment. Isn't that awful? I felt bad that he had to be there so early, but he took it in stride and was very sweet not to complain. I had to go at 10 for my part, so I lucked out as far as timing.

Since it fell on a Sunday you don't get to pick what doctor you see, as the office was closed, so I saw the on-call rather than Dr. Jaffe. The new-to-me doctor was very nice, and after reviewing my ultrasounds, and Mike's results he said everything looked perfect. Once the IUI was complete he told me that it went beautifully, wished me luck and said my chances this month are as good as any. Once he left, the nurse let me know that she would come back to get me in about 20 minutes, so I laid there reading scripture, surfing facebook, and singing along to the music piped into the exam room.

It was that easy. I was done, and on my way to Jake's soccer game.

Let me back up a bit though. The days leading up to this appointment were very emotional and spiritual for me. After the start of my last cycle I was down in the dumps a bit, and honestly sort of looking past this month on to May and the start of IVF class. I had written off the process in my mind, but we decided to try again, once more, since we had to wait for the IVF class in May anyway. I figured, if nothing else, it would help me pass the time between cycles. I prayed a lot, asking God to step in and show me the path we should be on. I vented my frustrations with this journey, and how emotionally exhausting it is. So when the doctor encouraged us to add a new drug, Mike and I had the "why not" attitude. At this point, I may as well, right? Who knows, maybe this would be what we were missing. Unfortunately, the new drug was shots.. every other night for a week. The first one went really, really, really badly. I melted down and was just sobbing. It isn't about pain for me, it doesn't feel much worse then a bee sting, honestly. It's just exhausting. I don't have a better word for it. The entire process is exhausting. The 2nd shot went much better, and I felt like I had regained my strength and was ready to push forward. The 3rd shot... meh. I wasn't such a bad patient (like I was the first time) but I did cry. I was finally able to vocalize to Mike that I just want to be done with all of this. All of the needles, and the timing, and the stressing, and the medicines, and the hormones that trigger all of the emotion. He just loved me, told me I am doing great and helped me get past it. Although, I am 99% sure he wanted to tell me how much he can't wait for the hormones and the crazy to be over as well!

We did the 3rd shot after our ultrasound, so I knew I had 2 strong eggs on the left ovary. When I started to cry Mike reminded me of the firsts we had this month. 1 - 2 follicles! 2! We've barely had one most months so two was huge. 2 - They were both on my left ovary! My left ovary never does anything. All of the other follicles have been on the right.
Those are 2 huge firsts. Two new things that deserve God's praise. I had been asking for renewal in this, and there it was. I knew it, but it took Mike to make me see it that way. That next night, we had to do the trigger shot. That was Friday night, and I took it like a champ. We both had places to be that night, so I lay down and we were done in a matter of seconds. That was the last major step before our Sunday appointment and I was feeling really strongly about the direction we were headed in. I decided to try and focus on the weekend rather then my infertility and we had a great time.

Friday night, while Mike was coaching youth soccer, I had a girls night. A wonderful friend hosted the night at her home, we had food, wine, and I taught the girls how to make a burlap wreath. We laughed a lot, and had a great time. Saturday, we had the first of two soccer games for the weekend, followed by a birthday party. Jake had a great game and a blast with his friends at the party. From there we hurried home to get showered and head out to try a new church. When you have a weekend schedule like ours, making it to Sunday morning service can be difficult, and while it is a priority, we were excited to hear about a church in the area that had 2 services Saturday evening and 2 Sunday morning. Given my appointment this past Sunday, it was a fit so we gave it a try.

I really enjoyed it. They had a great kid's service (which is huge to parents) and the adult service was great as well. During worship, one of my favorite songs played, Marvelous Light, and it put me in the perfect place, spiritually. The song is about leaving your sins and mistakes behind you and running into the Marvelous Light of the Lord. That not only do we, as Christians, run to the Light, but that the light begins to shine out of us to everyone else. I hope my light, the light put in me by God shines. I hope my light draws others in, and that they are able to see the comfort and peace I have in all of this, and that it is a direct reflection of my faith.

Sunday morning, I woke up and was excited to get to the doctor. As soon as I got into my car, I put on my worship radio station on iTunes radio and just let it play. The songs, every single song, was exactly what I needed. I swear it was like God himself was operating my play list. I think I cried and sang the whole way to the doctor and not a SINGLE sad tear. All tears of happiness and praise and gratitude. The one that really got to me was "Give Me Faith" by Elevation Worship and the lyrics are incredible:

"I may be weak, but your spirits strong in me,
My flesh may fail, but my God you never will"

I can't always be strong. I will cry again. I will fall again. I will experience more difficulties, but it doesn't matter because He is steadfast and strong. I am never alone. Never. He not only wants whats best for me, but He knows whats best for me, and as long as I remain faithful, He will give it to me exactly as it's meant to be given. That is what faith is all about. Trusting in a plan you don't have the blue prints for.

For now, we wait. Faithfully. 2 weeks of remaining patient, taking my medicines, focusing on the incredible life I have with my boys. I can't wait for the day we get a positive pregnancy test, or hear our baby's heartbeat and I know that day is in our future. It's a marvelous light I tell ya'! ;)