Let me start off by saying, I hate needles. Always have. Ask anyone that knows me and they will tell you that about me. I know it isn't that painful, I know it is "just a tiny needle", but needles are my kryptonite. I feel like I have a relatively high tolerance for pain and honestly, it has zero to do with pain. It's the thought of a needle driving into my skin that makes me feel weak in the knees.
Mike, bless his heart, did a really good job of tolerating me. He was patient, and serious, and kind -- all the things I needed him to be. Regardless, it didn't stop my [not so] mini meltdown...
I got home from work that Friday and shockingly enough I didn't feel too nervous. I was expecting to be hiding in a closet when he got home, so I felt like I was doing pretty good. I prepped the area, mixed the medicine, read the instructions (3 times) and got myself ready. He came in, watched a video and we were off. Sort of. I had originally planned to put a pillow over my head - enter panic attack numero uno. Apparently, I have a fear of not being able to see...as well as a fear of being restrained. So, Mike being ever patient waited for me to figure out what made me most comfortable. After a bunch of tears and begging him to "not make me do it" he got real with me. He basically told me to stop it. Stop freaking out, stop stalling, and let him get it over with. He would tell you I'm not giving my panic justice here in this brief paragraph, but let's just go with I wasn't.... uhmm... full of grace. ;)
In the end, he essentially told me he wasn't stopping, counted to 3 and popped that thing into my stomach. The needle was small and it wasn't awful - no more than a bee sting - but holy medicine burn! Almost instantly my stomach felt like it was on fire. I wasn't prepared for that (probably a good thing). I tried to hop up and get busy to distract myself but it hurt. For the next two days my stomach was sore and the area from the shot was red.
The doctor had instructed us to "have relations" for the next 3 nights... now I knew we would have to, ahem, relate ;) after him darting my stomach fat, but I didn't think it would be post meltdown with a puffy, cry face. I am a hot mess. A hot mess, who inspite of her heat found a man that loves her regardless. Thanks God.
I won't go into detail about the post shot events other than to say, for the first time, in a long time, I had some serious ovulation symptoms.
So here we are, just about a week and half later. waiting. and waiting. and waiting. If I am being totally honest, I don't think I am pregnant, but I'm not sure why. It's not like I've been pregnant a lot and just know. It's probably that little part of me thats trying to set my self up for a let down. If I'm not pregnant we will certainly try again. I am not giving up now... but man oh man would I love to never have to do that shot again. Mike, I swear, if we do, I will be better this time!
For the record... I know a lot of people don't think you should share pregnancy news until you're three months prengnant... but I don't think I would be able to do that. While I may not share instantly on my blog - immediate friends and family will be told privately first - I feel like keeping it a secret goes against the very idea of my blog. If I start a new cycle, I would share it, God forbid I get pregnant and miscarriage - I would blog about that too. I absolutely understand why other people choose to keep that information private, but I am not those people. I feel like this blog has been such and avenue of support for me. Hearing back from people that read it and love it has gotten me through some dark days so once I have medically confirmed, happy news, it won't be a secret... <3 <3
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