Happy Monday! If you're like me, Monday's aren't your favorite day of the week. For whatever reason, I wake up so sleepy and grumpy on Monday's. Unfortunately, a lot of the time, I allow this to set the tone of the day.
We all have things that set us off. Silly, insignificant things that can sneak up on us and steal the joy right out of our day. That is what my wake-up this morning did to me. I was the middle-schooler, fighting the wake-up. Pulling the covers back on and praying that my next peek at the alarm clock would reveal that I read it wrong previously. Guess what... it wasn't wrong. It was time to get up and get the day going.
My sweet boy is spending his last week of summer break at soccer camp this week and I had an 8:15am doctor's appointment, so our morning was quick and rushed. Getting dressed, packing lunch, searching for shin guards, brushing teeth, whew! I need a nap already. After we got out of the house and on our way it didn't improve much. Traffic was obnoxious and there is just never enough time. I got him to camp and me to the doctor with 3 minutes to spare. Victory! Sweet Victory!
The appointment this morning was to get our "green light" to proceed with our FET (frozen embryo transfer) this month. If you would have asked me two weeks ago, a few days ago, heck, even Sunday, I would have told you how excited I am to get this process underway. But of course, Monday stole my joy and I am not feeling very encouraged.
That being said, I know it's just a bad mood. Nothing more, nothing less. I will get over it, and probably by tonight, I will be back to me. Maybe it's the birth control, maybe it's the upcoming 20+ days of needles, maybe it was the $330 check I had to write for frozen embryo storage...who knows... I just wasn't my normal "excited to be here self" at the doctor's office this morning. That being said, my baseline ultrasound went "perfect" - everything looks great and I am full steam ahead towards our FET. That should have put a smile on my face right? Meh.
Tomorrow morning between 6-8AM we begin daily stomach shots again. This time a drug called Lupron. It's a small dose and won't be awful, but I can't tell you how much I look forward to the day when I can throw all those dang needles AWAY. This will be every morning for the next 10 days, after that we go back to the doctor for blood work and an ultrasound. They will be making sure my uterus looks ready for baby and then we begin MORE shots. At that point, if all is well, we start adding an estrogen shot every 3 days. That one has to go in the muscle in my butt. New shot + new location = new anxiety. I have heard the butt shots are the worst part of all of this and I am not looking forward to it. A few days after that we add a daily progesterone shot (also in my arse). The best news yet?!.... If I am lucky enough for our FET to work and we are pregnant... these shots continue throughout the FIRST TRIMESTER! All 3 months... well 2.5 months really.
Did you hear that door slam? That was my last bit of joy today... leaving.
I know I know, perk up buttercup. You're getting there! Not much longer now! It's all worth it!
Trust me, I will get there, but today I want to pout. No one on earth can turn my frown upside down today. Unless, of course, you send me a big bouquet of flowers or chocolate covered strawberries, that would surely make me smile. :)
Yet, just like the Grinch, I feel a small twinge in my heart. It's starting to grow, some how some way a little bit of sunshine is sneaking in. How is that? God is how. Even when I want to roll in my own darkness, He doesn't let me. He reminds me of how great my life is. How many wonderful things He has placed before me. Jake was so sweet to me this morning, even when I was a little cold. A friend of mine took time out of her beach vacation to uplift me without even knowing she was doing it. My husband sent me a simple text that reminded me how invested he is in all of this. I have a lot to be joyful about, even when I don't want to admit it. I get to move forward in infertility treatments. My scan today was "perfect" and we are that much closer to transferring 2 of our 16, SIXTEEN, one-six, beautiful embryos.
While I might want to hide under the covers today, there is a smile on my heart. I have a lot to be joyful about.
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