Today looks like a terrible, awful, no-good, very bad day. At least that's how it started.
This morning was supposed to be my happy doctor's appointment. I was supposed to have an ultrasound and blood work, then this afternoon (if all went well) they would be calling me to tell me to start changing medications and preparing for transfer. Well none of that happened today. Ugh.
Let me back up a minute. About a week ago I lost my protocol paper (my fault). This is the paper that details what medicines I need to take on what days. It also had today's appointment on it. When I realized I lost it, I called the doctor's office and told them I lost the paper so I just wanted to check and make sure that nothing changed with my medicines prior to my 8:30 appointment on the 21st. They confirmed that I was good and that they would see me on the 21st. (FYI I am on a lupron shot and birth control)
Fast forward to today. I get to the doctor, and at check in, the front desk girl says "Ok, the balance due on your account is $900.00." I think my mouth hit the floor. After a ton of questions, we discovered that my insurance was refusing to pay anything towards having my eggs frozen. Great. Nine Hundred Dollars. I'm just supposed to whip out my check book and write them a check. I explained to the girl that when I worked with their offices financial person that she told me I would be paying for storage ($180 every quarter) as well as co-pays ($40 each visit) which was fine, but that I didn't just have $900 to give them. She told me I could call and speak to finance to set up a payment plan, which I will do, but that was blow number 1 today.
When I finally got called back to the ultrasound room the nurse looked at me and said, "OK, what day did you start your period?" - "Uhm, I haven't - I'm on the birth control you guys perscribed me..."
Guess what? I was supposed to stop birth control 4 days ago in hope that today would be cycle day 2 or 3. Would have been great if the nurse told me that when I called to see if any of my meds were supposed to change prior to my appointment. She quickly left the room and a few minutes later my doctor's nurse came in. Basically, I screwed up. Now I have 5 more days of shots, 5 days of delay, 5 days of wasted time, effort, needles, drugs, money.
I was/am so frustrated with myself I just broke down and started sobbing. I know 5 days doesn't seem like a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I know it's going to work out ok. I know that God provides, and that despite my guilt, He will find the means to our new giant bill. I know all of this and in a few hours I will probably calm down, but right now I just want to scream.
The guilt, the stress, the pain, all of the ugly parts of this rear it's head just when I begin to think I have it all under control. A reminder that control shouldn't be what I'm after in the first place. I goofed and lost an important paper. It's ultimately my problem that is now causing me a 5 day delay. At a time in our lives when money is extremely tight a $900 bill feels like a burden I can't bare. All of this makes me feel frantic, stressed and out of control.
Father, this is when I need you. I am reminded that I can't fix everything, do everything, be everything. I have to let go and let You take over.
Praying, praying, praying for you!! You will get through this, too. It's just a bump in the road that I am sure will all work out. Nothing like Dr. bills to add to the stress. :( I can't wait for the day that you get to hold a sweet baby (or two) in your arms and forget about all the bumps in the road it took to get there knowing that it is all worth it. That day will come! God is good and He will get you through this. xoxo I somehow missed this update a few days ago... I hope since then you have had better days! :)
ReplyDelete