Shots begin tomorrow!

This week has been a rough one...

All week long I felt a little out of sorts, just not normal. Almost like I was waiting for the bomb to go off, and if there's one thing I've learned about bombs... if you are looking for them, they appear. I just felt anxious and, stupidly, it took me until Wednesday night to figure out why.

I am scared. Scared to begin IVF. Fearful of the pain. Pain, both physical and emotional. Most of my anxiety right now centers around the medicines. If you've read my previous posts I have made it pretty clear that I loathe needles. If you haven't, I loathe needles.

Aside from the anxiety that brings, there are so,so many medicines. In fact, on my lunch break today I or my husband, will have to run home to pick the package up from the porch, get it inside, unpacked and put some of those medicines in the fridge.

I have a need for so many drugs and needles, that I have to get my prescriptions filled through a specialty pharmacy. I also had to decline counseling offered to me by said company in case I was addicted to anything that I could use the needles for. I literally laughed at the woman and told her "trust me, there isn't a high on this earth that could bring me to voluntarily put a needle in my body" ...well other than the high of finding out I'm pregnant. Apparently, I will do whatever it takes for that!

Anyway, tonight I will take a picture of all of so that those of you that aren't or haven't been through IVF can get an idea of what I am talking about.

Tomorrow is the day. Mike and I start our antibiotics, added to the vitamins we have both been taking, and I start my shots.

I mentioned before that I would be on a drug called Gonal F, due to my insurance requirements we had to change that to Follistim. Same drug, different maker basically. This will be the drug I start tomorrow. This is the drug, that if all goes well, will help my body to grow several follicles (eggs) which will develop and be ready for the doctor to extract. I will take the shot Saturday and Sunday night, then Monday morning I will go see the nurses for testing to see how my body is reacting. That afternoon they will call me to let me know the results and continue on with my dosage information (it could go up or down). From there I will continue on for several days, heading back to the office every other day for check ups. I am praying that by this time next week we will be preparing for my outpatient surgery to get the developed eggs.

Up to this point I have felt like time is moving so slowly. Now, all of a sudden, everything seems to fast. As anxious as I am, maybe the quick pace will help me get it over with.

I realized I haven't been very good about photographing my journey, and although I have my words, I want to be able to look back on this in every way possible. I am going to do my best to start taking pictures. Hopefully Dr. Jaffe and my nurses won't mind when I whip out the camera and ask them to take a selfie with me :) Mike thinks we should video a night of him giving me the shot so you all can see what a baby I am... I don't know about that yet. We'll start with pictures.

Today my prayer is for peace. I am asking for God's serenity to move over my life and keep me calm. I hope that I can be a big girl about all of this, and to do so I need His help and to keep my eyes on the prize. I will probably blog again after I hear from the nurses on Monday. Thank you so much for reading and for all of the support! God bless!