Catching up and moving on...

Hello PBP readers! It feels like it's been so long since I've had anything to write about.. maybe because the days go by really slowly when you're getting needles plunged in your arse. :)

Before I get carried away with today's update - let me fill you in on where we've been. My last post was 11 days ago. Back when my little world was innocent to the pain of having your husband drive a 2.5 inch needle into your butt muscle.

As anyone who has read this blog previously would know, I'm not a fan of needles. That being said, I like to consider myself an expert, at this point, in taking them in my stomach. It didn't start out that way, but seeing as how I am currently on day 26 of them, I'm now a champ at it. I don't even flinch anymore. Some days, I swear I've lost feeling in my stomach.

Any who, as I mentioned in the last post, I was going to have to start taking delestrogen shots in my back side every 3 days. I knew it would suck at first, and I really tried my best not to panic.

Tried being the key word.

I panicked. Like a full on, toddler melt-down. It didn't help that I was lying face down and actually kicking my legs while sobbing crying and repeating how unfair it was. I was 4 years old in that moment. Thank God my husband remained an adult.

I won't lie, it did (and still does) suck. That needle is huge. I'm sure there are much bigger but in comparison to what we've used in the past, this one looks like the kind you inject marinade into a turkey with. On top of that, the medicine is in oil, so you have to do the injection very s-l-o-w-l-y.

Here's how the process goes... (FYI- to be truthful, this is the process from our third time - as I mentioned before the first one didn't go nearly this graceful)

I ice the upper outer quadrant of my butt cheek for about 10-20 minutes. I'm pretty sure this is all in my head, but I've convinced myself that it would hurt more if I didn't.
Once it's numb(ish) I wipe down the area with a alcohol wipe and lay down gripping the pillow like my life depends on it.
My sweet husband than has to pull the skin taught and shove that thing in, all 2.5 inches, with some force. It stings and all I can do is tell myself to keep breathing.
He then has to pull back, just a bit, on the syringe to make sure there is no blood. As long as there isn't, and thank God there hasn't been, he can slowly start pushing the syringe plunger down, administering the medicine.
This process, once the needle is in, takes about 12 seconds.
Longest twelve seconds of my life.

All that being said, it is getting easier each time. My anxiety about it is dropping and I'm doing a better job of being a big girl. Mike is getting much better at it too. I know it sucks for him to have to do this to me, but he never let's me see that. He remains calm and strong even when I am a total disaster. Always reminding me of how worth it all of this will be one day. :)

So 24 stomach shots, 3 butt shots and 10 days of antibiotics later - I headed to the doctor's office today to see if we were progressing, like we should, toward out FET (frozen embryo transfer).

I was under the assumption it would be blood work, and ultrasound and then a nurse would call me this afternoon with results. This is the normal routine. I go back to work and neurotically check my phone to see if they've called yet...

Today was a little different. They did the blood work first, and asked me to go back to the waiting room. Normally the ultrasound girl comes to get me, but this time it was a nurse. She informed me that one of my Doctors, Dr. Loy, would be doing my ultrasound today. This is always nice, because you get a better idea of how things look right then, rather then waiting for him to review your ultrasound.

I like Dr. Loy a lot so I was glad it was him today. He came in, did the ultrasound, and informed me that everything looked wonderful! He even gave me a print of the ultrasound, but between you and me it wasn't very exciting so I won't share it. He then told me to meet them (he and the nurse) back out at the nurses station.

When I got out there, the nurse explained that everything looked even better than expected. Originally they told me my transfer date would be somewhere between the 16th and 18th of September. 16th being best case scenario. After my ultrasound and seeing my progression, Dr. Loy said the 16th it is! I am really happy about this! In his opinion, things couldn't look any better and he sees no reason to wait past then.

So, here's our new plan of action:
September 11th will be my last lupron shot! Woop Woop! That night we will begin progesterone injections (another butt shot). Heck, this one gets a Woop Woop too, because it means we are SO CLOSE.
That rolls on through the 14th, when I start 2 more medications (just pills) Keflex and Medrol...
This continues on up to the 16th - OUR TRANSFER DAY!!!!!

Our transfer will be at 12:45pm NEXT FLIPPING TUESDAY! They told me it was very similar to an IUI, except that I have to do this one with a full bladder. I have heard this is the hard part, and I am so bad at holding it. Anyway, they will do the transfer, then I will head home for the day to rest. From there, life can return to normal - sort of - until we take a pregnancy test at the end of September.

Funny enough, the nurse did give me a paper that said for 5 days post transfer I am restricted from activities like heavy lifting, vacuuming, grocery shopping, carrying laundry baskets, etc. I had her write in some extras like cleaning the kitchen, cooking dinner, so on and so on. Mike should love that.

Alright, so here's what I know... We still have a long road ahead. This process is not fail proof - our odds are good, but not 100%. Even if we get pregnant, we aren't guaranteed, that in 9 months, we will be taking our baby home. We have a long way to go. A long way, that usually people don't choose to share with everyone they know as well as some strangers. I've gotten a lot of opinions thrown my way about our decision to share our journey so openly. Mostly good, some bad - and that's ok. Not everyone will agree with the choices we make. That being said, let me explain why I feel it is important, crucial even, to share my story in real time.

My God is bigger and more steadfast than any doctor, procedure, medical statistic, etc that you can throw at me. Don't tell me what my chances are, don't tell me to brace myself for the worst. My faith is bigger than my fears. Yes of course we will be crushed if it doesn't work. I will cry and beg for God to heal the hurt in my heart... the awesome thing is, I know He will.

He has put it on my heart to take this one day at a time, and to share those days with anyone that wants to listen. I will do that to my best ability, in my attempt to honor Him the whole way. From the moment that embryo baby was created it is alive. I will cherish every minute that I have and pray that God chooses this to be our time. That He will hold on to us with his sovereign hand and help that baby or babies grow and grow. If He takes our baby away, I will cling to my faith, knowing that His will is perfect even when I can't see it as such.

My PBP followers are amazing. Your messages of support, your prayers, have blessed me more than you know and they help keep me going. This next month is going to be amazing and I can't wait to share it with you. I hope we get to celebrate together very very soon!