1 Corinthians 10:13 - No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
One of the main emotions I have struggled with throughout all of this is jealousy. Jealousy, to me, is a complex, twisted tango of an emotion. I pray frequently to keep it at bay - however it is a natural feeling. The bible speaks a lot about envy and jealousy - anyone who's learned the 10 commandments knows it well. As Christians, we know we are supposed to strip it out of our hearts. Easier said than done, right? Jealousy can rear its ugly head in almost every part of life, however in the case of fertility, it has taken on a whole new meaning for me.
After our first year of trying, when I just knew something wasn't right, I started to get jealous of women around me that were so "easily" having babies. I felt a lot of guilt about my jealousy, after all, it isn't their fault I can't get pregnant. I didn't like the way it was making me feel and I knew something needed to change. I started looking around for support groups and began reading online. Most of what I read, unfortunately, encouraged women with infertility to stay away from baby stores, baby showers, anything baby. The thought of that made me sad. I don’t want to stay away from babies, when my family or friends are celebrating a birth or pregnancy, I want to celebrate too. I would never wish infertility on anyone, and if another biological baby isn't in our future, then I certainly want to snuggle everyone else’s. :)
As time has gone on, I have continued to struggle with my jealousy. Just recently, I was reading some verses that focus on this topic and I found the verse at the top of this post. It was sort of my "suck it up, buttercup" verse. After reading this, my whole view on jealousy changed. I believe a dose of jealousy is healthy. I say a dose, because if you allow it to take over your heart, it will, and that is never healthy. For me, I choose to look at my jealousy as a motivating factor. Every time I want to throw in the towel, someone I know announces a pregnancy or has a baby. That little twinge spurs me on. It reminds me of why I am not ready to give up. God is leading us in this, and He needs me to know the picture is much larger than my eyes can see.
So while I will always have to keep it in check, I am not running away from jealousy anymore. I will face it head on, embrace it, and shift the focus on to jealousy being a reminder of my passion and desire to be pregnant again. I'm not saying you will catch me watching "16 and Pregnant" anytime soon, but I will use the emotion to my benefit. Because I know my God is faithful and He will not lead me to anything that He doesn't think I can endure. How amazingly encouraging is that? This walk was given to us by God. He choose Mike and I for this because He knows we can handle it. He has faith in us, so how can I ever let me faith in Him waver? I know we will have another child, what I don’t know is the path that will bring that baby to us, but I have faith. <3
After our first year of trying, when I just knew something wasn't right, I started to get jealous of women around me that were so "easily" having babies. I felt a lot of guilt about my jealousy, after all, it isn't their fault I can't get pregnant. I didn't like the way it was making me feel and I knew something needed to change. I started looking around for support groups and began reading online. Most of what I read, unfortunately, encouraged women with infertility to stay away from baby stores, baby showers, anything baby. The thought of that made me sad. I don’t want to stay away from babies, when my family or friends are celebrating a birth or pregnancy, I want to celebrate too. I would never wish infertility on anyone, and if another biological baby isn't in our future, then I certainly want to snuggle everyone else’s. :)
As time has gone on, I have continued to struggle with my jealousy. Just recently, I was reading some verses that focus on this topic and I found the verse at the top of this post. It was sort of my "suck it up, buttercup" verse. After reading this, my whole view on jealousy changed. I believe a dose of jealousy is healthy. I say a dose, because if you allow it to take over your heart, it will, and that is never healthy. For me, I choose to look at my jealousy as a motivating factor. Every time I want to throw in the towel, someone I know announces a pregnancy or has a baby. That little twinge spurs me on. It reminds me of why I am not ready to give up. God is leading us in this, and He needs me to know the picture is much larger than my eyes can see.
So while I will always have to keep it in check, I am not running away from jealousy anymore. I will face it head on, embrace it, and shift the focus on to jealousy being a reminder of my passion and desire to be pregnant again. I'm not saying you will catch me watching "16 and Pregnant" anytime soon, but I will use the emotion to my benefit. Because I know my God is faithful and He will not lead me to anything that He doesn't think I can endure. How amazingly encouraging is that? This walk was given to us by God. He choose Mike and I for this because He knows we can handle it. He has faith in us, so how can I ever let me faith in Him waver? I know we will have another child, what I don’t know is the path that will bring that baby to us, but I have faith. <3
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