Update...

Well sort of.... I haven't been back to the doctor yet, butttt.....

I have been a little down on this whole topic lately. I kept feeling like I was just getting setbacks and not really moving forward. Last time, they told me the cyst wasn't gone, although it looked like
it was moving out, and that I should take birth control and come back in, in 3 weeks for an ultrasound. That was the plan, but I hate being on birth control. It makes me feel fat and moody and miserable, so, I didn't take it this month. Maybe I will regret it again, but I just didn't feel like it was the right choice for me. The cyst will go away on its own eventually, with or without the pills, so I prefer without! Then last week, I started thinking, maybe I should buy and OPK (Ovulation Predictor Kit).

In the past, I have done OPKs and NEVER gotten a positive result. Plenty of women have this same issue, but get pregnant, while others truly aren't ovulating. My sister-in-law couldn't get a positive to save her life, but got pregnant fairly easily. My doctor told me not to stress over them, so I never really thought much of all my negatives. I never put much weight in them in general... so it was strange that I felt like my heart was telling me to buy the kit. I did last week, and I started counting my cycle days, determining when to start testing. That was about 4 days ago, and I have been testing each morning since. Each time the 2nd line has gotten darker - still technically negative but getting closer and closer to a positive. Then this morning, bam, the two lines were the same color = a positive result. OPK's measure the LH levels in your body. LH is a hormone that surges about 24 hours
prior to "peak ovulation". I am going to do another test this evening, but I am thrilled that I am finally seeing some action, AND I am not currently on ANY fertility meds. Of course, it is no guarantee that if we try to make a baby, we will, but it is a step in the right direction.

So fingers crossed, prayers said, and hearts open and optimistic that maybe we will get more + signs
in our future. God willing, of course!

Mixed Emotions...

I didn't have a chance to blog about my doctor’s appointment yesterday. Honestly, I didn't really want too. After my appointment on Tuesday, I left the doctor's office unsure of how I felt. The ultrasound tech said my scan last month showed a cyst measuring at 7cm and that she would be checking to see if it was gone... For reference, I just pulled out a ruler, 7cm is a little over 2.5 inches, about the size of a baseball. This month, she saw 2 cysts, 1 measuring about 4 cm the other about 3. She didn't know what to tell me, other than that the my nurse would be calling me.

I left confused. How did I have one giant cyst and now 2 smaller. All I could think is what is so wrong with my body that I can't get rid of these damned cysts? I was upset.

I returned to work and tried to go on with day. The nurse called around 4 to tell me that the doctor thinks the two cysts are actually the one cysts beginning to break apart, hopefully, preparing to leave my body. Good news
right? My body, albeit slowly, is trying to get rid of the cyst. Moving in the right direction! However, I still can't move forward with the medicine, so it'sanother month of "patiently" waiting, plus 3 weeks of birth control, followed by another ultrasound to check the status. I am going to take the birth control this month. I want to get this over with and move on..

I know I'm not alone in this. I have my husband, who is living it with me, my sweet family and friends who ask for updates and tell me how much they love my blog, how much it means to them that I write from my heart, and of course my God. My ever faithful, always loving, God. I know as long as I am seeking for what pleases
His heart, I won't ever be alone in this. I can honestly say I haven't felt alone in this in a long time. It doesn't mean I don’t feel disappointment. It doesn't mean I don't get discouraged. I absolutely do, but I will continue to
keep going and work through this because I know God wants me to have the desires of my heart. Desires that will honor Him, and speak as a witness to His love.

<3 <3 <3

Getting Back to "it"...

Tomorrow morning at 11:15 I will head to my first doctor's appointment of the new year! This year is going to be different. As much as I LOVE Dr. Jaffe and her staff at CRM I am really hoping this will be my last year going there! I am seriously hoping for a big turnaround in the luck department tomorrow, and this year in general.

The purpose of tomorrow's appointment is to scan my ovaries again. Typically, I would do this on the 2nd or 3rd day of my cycle, but because they are looking to see what has changed since last month, I can do it now rather than wait on my cycle to start - which is awesome.

I doubt I will even see my doctor tomorrow, most likely it will just be a quick ultrasound. Ideally, a quick, blank ultrasound :). It would be great to see 2 quiet ovaries, just hanging out, waiting for ovulation. At last month's appointment I wasn't so lucky. She found a large cyst on my left ovary which meant I wasn't allowed to take that months round of medicine. They also wanted me to take birth control to help my body get rid of the cyst...


I was really upset about all of it. I felt like it was another speed bump, slowing me down, and after prayer and talking to Mike, I just decided to let the month go. I didn't take the birth control, I tried my best to put it out of
my mind, and I focused on Christmas and my family. It ended up being very nice. I don't want to waste another month, but my forced break was good for me, for us.

So tomorrow, we will find out if the cyst is gone, or at least small enough to not get in the way of things. If it is, I will be so happy! It will mean we can get back to trying, and I feel like we are getting close! If it isn't, I will probably be mad at myself for not taking the bc pills. I am sure I will cry a little, frustration will set in, but I am going to do my best to remind myself that it's all in His timing. I am just eager to get things moving again.

Please say a little prayer for a stree free ultrasound result tomorrow. I will be praying,