Confused and Emotional

...2 feelings every woman going through infertility can relate to, right?
When I started this blog I knew I wanted it to be my emotional outlet. SO, after my monthly scan today, I knew I needed to head to my blog. :/ I wish I could tell you it was a great visit... although, anymore, a great visit would be them telling me I am pregnant and apparently, that ain't happening.
I saw the midwife again today, this time Mike was with me, and we both really like her. I like the idea of a midwife anyway, and if I am blessed enough to end up pregnant, I plan on delivering naturally, with no medicine. I figure I have worked 3 years now - I want to saver EVERY minute of labor & delivery -- it may be my last and I don’t like being on pain meds. Plus, it’s part of the process. Working with your husband to get through something painful with the biggest payoff possible sounds amazing to me. Of course, all of this is jumping the gun, because I can't get to labor until I can get pregnant ;) Back to my story...
So I had my monthly scan and they saw 2 large cysts/follicles.. I am so confused. I clearly don't understand this as much as I thought I did. I didn't think follicles and cysts were the same thing, but apparently a follicle can become a cyst. WTF. Rabbits get pregnant monthly. Why is this SO complicated!?!?! Anyway, she told us to try again, I may or may not ovulate... (Clear as mud)
She also told us that this has been going on too long. We have done clomid 8 times now (I think). We got pregnant once, and miscarried. It just isn't what they were hoping for, so she is referring me to a reproductive endocrinologist (fancy term for IVF doctor). I realize it isn't all they do, but it is the majority. I don't know what to think. A part of me is eager to meet with them, the other part is terrified. Honestly, I never wanted it to get to IVF. We can't afford it, my insurance doesn't cover it, and there is no guarantee -- SO even if I can come up with the $12-15k I may walk away with an empty uterus and an empty wallet.
I have to keep praying, keep searching for God to show me the way in all of this. If He wants us to go through IVF, I have faith the money will sort itself out. He knows my heart yearns for this. He knows our frustrations, our sadness, our confusion, and most importantly our plan. I have to keep trusting that He's got our back in this. All of this can just be so depressing at times. I feel like I am not only letting myself down, but my husband and son as well. We all want a baby, and I often forget the effect my struggle has on them. I promise my next post will be more upbeat...