25 week update...

Holy Belly! There is no denying that thing!

How far along? 25 weeks 1 day!

Total weight gain: Who knows. I feel like the weight of the babies has doubled... I'm scared to see what I weigh. 

Sleep: Sleep has been really bad this week. My knees are not appreciating the extra work they've had to do and they are letting me know it when I lay down at night. I feel restless.

How big are the twins this week? I'm not sure specifically, but according to my app they are somewhere around 2 - 2.5 pounds potentially. This means I could have 5lbs of baby in there before this week is over

Peak of the week: We have gotten some awesome baby gifts this week. 3 of the 5 past nights we've gotten to bring in packages, sit in the baby room and open them together. It's a fun little thing for the 3 of us.

Pit of the week: The uncomfortablness. Fo sho. Just in the last week I've had like 3 random strangers make comments like "wow! you're about to pop!" or "getting close huh?" I then get to smile and say "no, 25 weeks with twins"

Miss Anything? I just miss feeling comfortable.

Cravings: well I had my first full on craving. Wendesday night after dinner I decided I needed waffles to survive. I made homemade belgium waffles and ate 3 of them. Then I went back and ate a 4th. Shameful.

Symptoms/Labor signs: The BH contractions seem to have died down a little. Other than that, my hips are killing me. I can feel them pulling apart!

Looking forward to: The weekend - nothing special planned and that is perfectly fine. Also, next Tuesday is our first baby shower! One of my great friends from work is throwing us a work shower!

The anxiety is setting in...

breathe..

That's what I have to keep telling myself. Just breathe. It's going to be fine. Taking care of 2 newborn babies won't be that hard. Right? RIGHT? right..

I think, until recently, the idea of twins has been so sweet and miraculous. Going through IVF sucked, but the outcome of 2 babies made it so worth it. Every needle, every tear, every negative pregnancy test. The last 5 and a half years of making it my daily mission to be happy. To be thankful. To keep going. It's all led us to this place. 25 weeks (tomorrow) pregnant with twins. A blessed place.

Don't think for a second I'm not grateful, or that this isn't the outcome I have prayed for, dreamed about. I can't wait to meet them. I can't wait to take them home and begin our life as a family of 5...

...but, if I'm being totally honest.. I'm also a ball of nerves. Two babies. at once. Oy vey! I know I will adjust, I'll be fine. We will "figure it out". A schedule will be imperative. We will learn what works and what doesn't. At this point, when I'm feeling rational, I just tell myself - "The first year will be a comedy of errors". I know Mike and I will feel like we've just won the gold in some team Olympic sport on their first birthday. Only to be trumped by the next phase - toddler twins.

Last night I had such vivid dreams about them. In my first dream I was standing over them, the house was clean and quiet, they were asleep in one of the cribs together. It was so sweet. I knew it was a dream even during it because everything was so perfect. Clean home, sleeping twins, I even had real clothes on and I think my hair and make up were done. It may not have been a part of that dream, but I'm sure dinner was in the oven and I had some great dessert from Pinterest planned.

Then I woke up. Because I had to pee. For the 4th time.

My next dream started off similar - the babies sleeping, me watching. {side note: what am I doing standing there watching? I need to be sleeping!} Only this time one of the babies kept accidentally knocking it's head against the side of the crib.

I realized when I woke up (to go pee, of course) this stems from my personal fear of not having bumpers. Last night, I worked on the cribs a little bit and they still seem empty without bumpers. In case you aren't aware bumpers are so 2006. No one uses them anymore. They're practically baby killers... You may know them as bumpers but their really just suffocation torture devices disguised in soft fabric with cute animals dancing down the sides of them.

I liked bumpers. I like them still. It made me happy to know my kid couldn't accidentally ram his head into the wooden rods that make up the sides of the cribs. And yes, I've seen the mesh ones. Not a fan. I mean, babies survived for YEARS with bumpers in their cribs.

Clearly, when it comes to bumpers, I need to just let it go. Hopefully though, this gives you a little taste as to how my brain has been working recently. Everything is stressing me out.

This twin thing won't be easy. I know there are going to be times where I just have to put them in their cribs and walk away for a few minutes. I know there will be times where I sit there, holding them, and all 3 of us are crying. I will be exhausted. I will be sloppy. My house won't always be clean and I may be sending Mike and Jake to pick out something clean from the laundry baskets. I see a lot of "breakfast for dinner"s in our future. I see a lot of clutter. I see a lot of figuring it all out..

...but I also see a lot of love. I see 3 beautiful children and an awesomely supportive husband. I see a mom who's doing the best she can. I see friends and family around us trying to help. These are the things I need to focus on when the anxiety sets in. These are things that will get us through. Well that and Jesus. And caffeine. <3

24 week update...

Sorry for another bathroom selfie - sometimes it's easier. ;)
Fun fact: at 24 weeks I am measuring at what the average 34 week single pregnancy looks like.
Can you imagine another 10 weeks from now?! My poor back!

How far along? 24 weeks - which is a milestone because it means I am in month number 6 and I have hit viability! Viability means that the babies have reached the point of development were they *could* (with a lot of medical help) survive if God forbid something happened and they had to come now. Obviously this is not what anyone wants. They still need at least another 10 weeks in my oven womb. That being said, it is nice knowing that they have reached this critical stage.

 

Infertility really can change the way you view a pregnancy. With Jake, I didn't understand how precious a healthy pregnancy is. My pregnancy with him was textbook, easy and no drama. After going through a miscarriage and 5 years of trying I have been a little more on-edge this time around. Hitting this stage of pregnancy allows me to take a deep breath. While we still have a long way to go, the boost of confidence in my body's ability to carry them to viability makes me feel better.

Total weight gain: Tuesday was my 24 week check up and from last month's weigh in I am up 8 pounds for a total gain of 11 pounds. The doctor was pleased that I've caught up some and says that from here on I should expect to gain somewhere between 1-3 pounds per week. They also cautioned me not to freak out if it gets to be more because the twins are packing on the pounds themselves!

Sleep: Sleep has actually been a little better this week. Honestly, I think it's because the days are getting harder, so by the time it gets to bedtime my body just collapses into sleep. I'll take it. I'm still getting up at night to visit my home away from home (the bathroom) but I fall right back to sleep so it's fine.

How big are the twins this week? Big enough to be weighed via the ultrasound! Another fun milestone! Lawton weighed in at 1 pound 5 ounces this week and Anderson at 1 pound 8 ounces. I still have to just pinch my self. This doesn't seem like it's really my life. I am just so thankful that these two are growing like little weeds!

Peak of the week: Hearing how well the three of us are progressing through this pregnancy was pretty nice. My cervix is sitting strong and supporting the babies, they are growing right on track and all measurements are good. Seeing them on the screen is amazing and I feel spoiled that I get an ultrasound at every appointment. Aside from the babies, I have to brag on Jake for a minute. He has been so wonderful this week. Stepping it up on chores, not arguing, the past 3 days he's gotten up, gotten dressed, fixed his own breakfast and packed his lunch for school. This is a big deal to any mom who's kid reaches this age of independance, but even more so to those of us who have children that aren't exactly morning-people. I keep telling him how much it means to me that he is such a big helper! Another big change for us - Mike has accepted a new job opportunity and is leaving Disney. While it is bittersweet and a little nerve wracking I am so excited for him and proud of what he's done to get himself here. He is going to learn a lot at his new job and he got a well deserved promotion. It will take some adjusting and we will be in a period of shiffting as we see how life will adjust around his new job, but I really feel like God answered some prayers for us with this one. We are both trusting that things will work out just as they are intended!

Pit of the week: This week has been pretty good. I've felt less hormonal and more rational. I don't have a real "pit" this week so for that I am thankful! 

Miss Anything? Oh you know, just all the stuff I can't have or do. Italian subs, raw tuna, mountain dew, roller coasters... sometimes I swear I want these things just because I can't have them...

Cravings: anything sugary, of course - since my glucose test is next month.

Symptoms/Labor signs: Stretching, tight skin. Achy muscles in my hips and back. Braxton Hicks... luckily though - no signs of pre-term labor.

Looking forward to: A 3-day weekend! I can't wait to sleep in on Monday morning.

Here are some pictures of Anderson and Lawton from our scan on Tuesday...

The twins <3

 

 

Lawton's sweet face (forehead to the left chin to the right - the two whiter lines are her nose)

Anderson smiling and waving to the camera (forehead to the right chin to the left - again you can see his nose)

Lawton's profile

Anderson's profile and his hand right at his mouth

Lawton's baby feet!

 

Last night I had such a vivid dream of meeting these two for the first time. Seeing them as the specific, made just for us and of us babies. Babies that I wasn't sure I would ever have again. Babies that God knew personally though all of this. Babies He intended for us to hold. I can't explain to you in words what that really feels like. I can't wait to hold them, for Mike to hold them, for Jake to hold them. Our sweet babies!

23 Week Update...

How far along? 23 weeks 1 day - Happy Friday!

Total weight gain: Still unsure but I will have an official update for you next week after I go to the doctor. I would guess somewhere between 5-10 pounds.

Sleep: I'm adjusting. Sleeping on my side constantly has some challenges. Believe it or not it took me like 3 weeks to figure out why my shoulders and upper back were hurting, but then I realized it's the new sleeping positions. I do have my big pillow and it helps, but I'd love to have one night of uninterrupted sleep - no bathroom breaks or having to readjust or flip sides. I guess uninterrupted sleep is a thing of the past at this point! ;)

How big are the twins this week? Apparently they are each about the size of a bunch of grapes and should be just over a pound in weight.  - my other app says they are about the size of a large grapefruit.

Peak of the week: Our family made a big decision for our future this week, and while it is scary and unknown it is also exciting and new. More to come on it later, but it doesn't have anything to do directly with the babies.

Pit of the week: one word. Hormones. They have been cray cray this week. I have cried so much. Happy cry, sad cry, angry cry, exhausted cry, uncomfortable cry, sentimental cry. You get the idea..

Miss Anything? uhh... being a rational human. ha. Nothing material at the moment. Anytime I start to miss something they start kicking/punching/dancing and I can't help but smile. Even when it's my lungs they are practicing kickboxing on.

Cravings: nothing specific this week. I just crave food in general!

Symptoms/Labor signs: Hello Braxton Hicks. They have made themselves known in the last week or so. While they aren't a sign of real labor, they are a sign that my body is moving towards labor and that is both exciting and scary!

Looking forward to: Seeing the babies next week! With twin pregnancy you get an ultrasound at every appointment. Really, not to look at the babies per say, but to measure your cervix. Luckily our ultrasound girl rocks and always gets us some peeks.

Before you take a glance at this picture, let it be known that I apologize for slacking with a bathroom selfie (from work no less)... the last few days have been busy and I forgot to get Mike or Jake to get a real picture... :)

 

22 week update...

How far along? 22 weeks today!

Total weight gain: I'm not sure - if guess 5 pounds

Sleep: this week has sucked. My legs are restless at night and my back has been hurting so it's made sleeping difficult.

How big are the twins this week? Somewhere around 11 inches and about a pound.

Peak of the week: Getting baby gifts in the mail :) and some bows I ordered for Lawton!

Pit of the week: I'm uncomfortable- the babies are growing which is wonderful but they are also making it hard for me to breathe. I feel like my body is fighting to keep it all tight and honestly I wish it would just let go and get bigger. I feel so crammed and I still have a long way to go.

Miss Anything? Good sleep, Mountain Dew, being able to lay on my back

Cravings: sweets - all.the.time.

Symptoms/Labor signs: Nothing new

Looking forward to: Feeling more comfortable - I'm not sure when that will happen.

21 week update...

How far along? 21 weeks as of Thursday

Total weight gain: I'm not sure - I've decided not to weigh myself at home, only at doctor's appointments, but I would guess I've gained 2 more pounds.

Sleep: It's ok. I am sleeping pretty well. Getting used to sleeping on either side all night. I have to flip a lot and go to the bathroom a lot, but no issues falling back asleep.

How big are the twins this week? According to my pregnancy app they have/will grow a lot this week. Measuring at about 10.5 inches long each. That means I have about 20 inches of baby in my stomach. To put that into perspective - that's what a lot of babies are born at or around. They both should also be getting pretty close to tipping the scale at one whole pound!

Peak of the week: They are moving like crazy. I still have a hard time feeling Anderson because his placenta is anterior, or in front of him. It absorbs most of his movement. While I have been assured that he is fine, any mom can tell you, feeling your baby brings you a certain level of peace. This week, even though I can't feel much, I've been able to see him moving. My stomach has entered the phase of distorted shapes and weird temporary lumps. Sometimes I swear they are in their duking it out for who can move the most.

Pit of the week: I think I must be having a serious surge of hormones every evening. For some reason, for the last few nights, at about 6pm I enter into a state of grump. Nothing triggers it. Nothing makes it better. I just get grumpy and everyone around me drives me crazy. Poor Mike and Jake. :(

Miss Anything? The ability to breathe easily. I'm pretty sure Anderson's feet are in my lungs and when I'm sitting he likes to let me know he needs more room. The other day I was panting and the president of my company walked by. He stopped and came back in to check on me... I assured him I was ok, just a baby taking up my breathing space.

Cravings: Earlier this week I wanted Key Lime Pie. That was probably my only specific craving, although I've just been wanting anything lately... I go from 0 to 100 on the hunger scale in like 30 seconds.

Symptoms/Labor signs: Nothing new to report. No labor signs and just growing pains really.

Looking forward to: The weekend. Mike and Jake are heading to Daytona for the Rolex 24 hour race so I plan on doing some nursery accessory shopping. :)

 

 

 

- We did our hospital tour Thursday. The lady that walked us around was very nice and super informative. The hospital is nice and the rooms are large. She even went on to explain how our time will be a little different given twins. I was a little bummed to find out that regardless of if the twins are born vaginally or via c-section, the birth will take place in an OR. Because it is fairly common for Baby A to be born first and Baby B to enjoy the new found space of the womb, they have to have us ready in case an emergency with B arises. I appreciate their preparedness. I really do. I just know the environment of the OR is a lot different than the room I will be laboring in. Sterile, bright, blah. I have to keep reminding myself that they are trying to cover all bases and do what's best for our babies. Aside from that, I really did like the hospital and Mike did too. It is quiet and warm feeling. The nurses are very friendly (the few I met anyway) and I am looking forward to my time there. They are huge on skin to skin contact, breastfeeding, and more time with mom and dad. Even if a situation arises where they have to go to NICU they want us with the babies as much as possible and will work with me to make sure I am pumping and getting them strictly breast milk.

 

Over all I have been growing more nervous about their arrival, but yesterday I was longing for it. Don't get me wrong, I want them to stay in and grow to a healthy size but I am dying to check in and meet them at the same time. I heard a newborn let out a little cry as we were walking through and it brought tears to my eyes. I can't wait to meet our two.

20 Week Update...

How far along? 20 weeks

Total weight gain: +1! That's right I am officially one pound over my starting weight. Since my last weigh in (a month ago) I've gained 3 pounds. To hit and pass my starting weight. The doctor said I look great at that the weight gain is healthy. He also prepped me for a surprise jump the next time I step on the scale.

Sleep: I'm adjusting. I bought myself a body pillow last week and I've been using it to help me sleep on my sides. Mike says I traded him for the pillow, ha!

How big are the twins this week? The size of a banana - they are measuring, both, at exactly 20 weeks so they are about 6.5 to 7.5 inches long and weigh just under 12 ounces. They have to weigh 12 ounces before the ultrasound machine can give an exact weight. I should have weights at my next appointment!

 

Peak of the week: Seeing the babies on u/s and hearing how they're doing. 

Pit of the week: My anxiety always peaks a day or two before my appointment and this week was no different. I cried. A lot.

Miss Anything? This week - feeling rational. Being able to eat without misery following. I get so full that it makes it hard to breathe!

Cravings: Right now I could really go for a chocolate chip muffin...

Symptoms/Labor signs: back aches, lots of stretching pains, stuffy nose, and my heartbeat has been thumping in my fingers. Especially when I'm holding something. Doctor says its normal!

Looking forward to: Jake's soccer tournament this weekend and a prenatal massage on Saturday!

Jake took my pictures this week and he did a pretty good job if I do say so!

Our appointment went perfectly today. Mike and I got to see the babies in full detail for a little over an hour which was awesome. Every body part, every measurement - all perfect. Their growth and development is exactly where it should be, their hearts looked strong and healthy. All brain measurements were normal. I feel so much better knowing they are flourishing so far. We owe it all to our Maker. What a blessing!

As for me, the doctor was really pleased with how well my body is handling the twins. My cervix is nice and strong, measuring well into the safe range. And my parts are all doing what's necessary to help these two grow. Aside from being uncomfortable, everything is great. He also gave me some good ideas to help with my back pain. 

Anyway - here they are! Some of the better pictures from our scan...

Their two sweet heads snuggled up together.

Lawton's sweet face

Anderson's lips and chin in the middle

Anderson - showing off

Lawton giving us our final confirmation that she's team pink

And my most favorite- an upside down glance at how the twins are in relation to one another. Anderson is on the bottom of this picture with his sister's legs in his face. You can't make out her head, but you can see where it is. The lining between them is about as thick as a grocery bag so they are always up close to each other. (Really Anderson is on top and Lawton is at the bottom of my belly)